About cat food and my overweight brother

by Robert the Cat

MyPerson rarely gives me any treats. It's cat food everyday. 

I love tuna, minced meat and chicken. I prefer them raw but my brother Jacob only eats them cooked. And he calls himself a cat. He's such a wimp. 

I also like boiled potatoes and cheese. 

Well, I'm a modern cat living in Switzerland. And I never had any weight problems. Unlike my brother Jacob. 

I think I've mentioned being embarrassed about my brother before -but this story will help you understand my discomfort better.

MyPerson started to worry about Jacob's weight, despite only feeding us cat food. Expensive and high quality cat food. 

But Jacob was without doubt getting chubby. Even our vet mentioned it. 

We suspected someone was feeding Jacob goodies, perhaps even some unhealthy stuff. 

Jacob is cute and has soft fur and you remember his belly-rub trick? It works very well on people sitting outside having a barbecue - unless they have a dog, of course. 

I think dogs are so cool. A bit noisy perhaps but I'm really into dogs. 

Excellent exercise, playing with dogs! And it's safe, because they're pretty slow and clumsy. I sure don't need a smart band to add steps to my day. 

MyPerson used to have a labrador dog when she lived in Finland and in the summers the dog would sneak over to neighbours barbecuing outside. The dog would suck in her cheeks to look thin and make big, round eyes to look cute and people would feed her. 

And labradors eat anything. Even alarm clocks, I've heard. 

In the winter the dog would run on the ice across a lake or the sea to find people fishing through a hole in the ice (yep, the really do that in Finland). So these fishers would throw the dog some little fish. I'd love to visit Finland in the winter once. Sushi-extreme.

But I'm getting carried away here, back to Jacob's weight problem.

MyPerson wrote a letter, and littlePerson distributed it to all of our neighbours.

Here it is:

English translation:

"Hello, my name is Jacob. I get high quality cat food at home but I am much thicker than my brother Robert. Please do not feed me. Thank you!"

As if that wasn't bad enough, circulating a picture of Jacob with his favourite bunny toy we actually got a letter back saying: 

"Hello, my name is Jacob and I like to sneak into other cat's homes through the cat door and eat their food".

I'm not quoting the return letter any further to maintain the anonymity of innocent Swiss citizens. But I'd like to use this opportunity to remind everyone of the possibility to activate the microchip function in your cat flaps. 

All of this could have been prevented. 

I mean, Jacob sneaked out of his home. -A loving home that served him expensive and high quality cat food in order to steal the food of an other cat... (I still can't help wondering what brand they're serving?).  

Add to this Jacob's interest in playing with hair bands and his obsession on bringing home those muddy earthworms...

Now, would you like to have a brother like that? If yes, please send me your address.

-Robert